Oktoberfest!

Imagine 20 people drinking together at a table. Now imagine putting that table in a room much bigger than Soldier Field. Now imagine adding 500 more tables. Now imagine doing that in 15 other football stadiums across the US. Now put them all in the same place. That, my friends, does not due justice to Oktoberfest.
When we arrived in Munich Friday night at 11, we walked around for about an hour until we realized we were about 8km away from our hotel. Around 2, we went to bed and made sure to get lots of rest for the upcoming day. We awoke at 6 Saturday morning and rushed to the fair grounds where Oktoberfest was soon to be celebrated. We waited outside of Haufn House [the largest and oldest tent] until 9ish when they opened the doors. Having gotten there early, we stood about 10 yards from the door in a crowd that spanned 150 yards back and 200 yards wide. Everyone waited outside in the cold, all sharing the same reason: to get merry and obliterated together. Right before the doors opened, an endless line of monstrous Germans blocked the doors. No security officer was under 6 feet, with the average height being about 6'6. No guard was under 220 pounds, with the average weight being about 250. These guys were no match for the crowd that poured in. As they tried to stop the rush inwards, they ended up just getting out of the way because those of us in front [that they were blocking] were not moving of our own free will. I didn't have enough space to move my hands, yet alone put a foot in front of the other. I'm not sure if my feet were even on the ground the whole time, I just know I had no choice in my following movements.
The mayor tapped the first keg at noon in our tent. Being in the biggest tent at the biggest party in the world is undescribable. So is drinking beer by the liter (3.5ish US beers) when it is close to twice as alcoholic as American beer. Within 2 hours, I had drank 5 liters of beer, then got dragged out of the party because my friend was going to pass out. Instead, he went to play bumper cars against 6 year olds at the fair surrounding the tents. When we got back to the hotel at 6, 1 of the 5 of us had been asleep for 2 hours already. No one told us to pace ourselves, and the marathon was over for us within the first 100 meters.
Having gone to bed so early, we all awoke at 3 in the morning, and had had a full night's sleep. At 9, 2 guys stole extra food from the breakfast line and gave it to the rest of us. By 10 we were on our way to drinking heavily again, this time in a new tent. At about 3 I got separated from my friends, and at about 1800 [thinking this was 4pm, not 6pm] an Australian guy took me to the metro so that I could try to catch my train back to Prague.
At 10 euros per beer, I was in no way capable of buying food in addition. Hot dishes cost upwards of 20 euros, and the cold schnitzel sandwich I had had the day before had cost me 5. Because of this, and the amount of alcohol in me with no food, I reduced myself to accepting charity food. In the US, sauerkrat is absolute drek. In Prague, sauerkrat is good. In Munich, it is a gift from heaven, steamed and shredded by angels themselves. I stole some of this from Dillon, and then soon learned that the leftovers that some Australians gave me of what I thought was chicken was actually pork. It was also amazing. I see why Jesus changed g-d's law to allow his followers to eat it.
From here on out is an absolute haze. The visibility in my storm yesterday would be described as minimal at best. Somehow I made it to the train station, and luckily missed the train that had just departed. It's actually a good thing I did this because my train had left 2 hours earlier than the one I was running after. I have no idea where it was going, and it definitely wasn't going to Prague. Following my dad's advice after missing the train, I slowly managed to get myself to the Munchen airport. The airport is not anywhere near the train station, which I discovered this morning after redoing the trip. It is at least 25 kilometers away, and I have no idea how I found it, yet alone talked to the lady at the information table and found out when the following trains were leaving.
My mistake soon ensued. Realizing that I would need to change stations from Munchen Airport to Freising, I figured I would try to find Freising. In retrospect, I have since learned that Freising is an outdoor stop in a small town that is another 15 minutes farther from Munich. Since I did not have this information last night, yet alone a remotely sober mind, I hopped on the first metro and took it in search of Freising. Instead, I should have just slept at the airport (which I ended up doing too).
I somehow got all the way back to the central station in Munich [at least a 45 minute metro ride], walked around, and probably made an ass out of myself and of all Americans. If a German hates the US today more than he did yesterday, it is quite possibly my fault. If 1000 Germans do, it's definitely my fault. When I left the station, I remember hearing the metro conductor say that the train was splitting, and that part was going back to the airport, and part was going to "aslwrequophskj." Being scared that I had no idea where I was [it took this long for me to realize], I got off at the next stop and decided it was time to make camp.
I didn't choose a nice station to sleep at, yet alone a comfortable one or even one that I had any idea where I was. When I woke up this morning at about 4, I was lying in my backpack with the clothes that I've had on since Friday. I was also on a stainless steel bench that had armrests between every other seat. I some had found the most uncomfortable place in a station that was actually the stop after the train station (that means I'd been back 3x now). I got up and headed to the airport, making sure to get their nice and early to not miss my train.
Turns out I got there way too early. After getting some food in me and a nonalcoholic beverage [sink water from the bathroom], I went back to sleep in the airport for an hour or two. This actually happened to be on a comfortable, pleather couch which had many other backpackers sleeping on too. At this point, I made my bus to Freising, got on the train to Prague, figured out how the train splits [not the metro this time; half the train went east to Prague, half went south to I have no idea where], met some American backpackers who I think I'll meet up with tomorrow, and have gotten back to my apartment safely. Did I mention that I didn't lose a single thing this whole weekend (except my friends and probably my dignity)?